18th July Leadership race enters Squid Game phase


In a novel twist, one that is hoped will boost the nations flagging interest, the remaining (or Brexit favouring) five in the Tory leadership race will be whittled down to a final two via a Squid Games elimination challenge. 

After being forced to listen to endless drivel about 'he said / she did / I promise / you broke promises' that just bored the pants off even the most ardent true blue, chair of the 1922 committee Sir Brady Graham has decided its time to add a little bit of spice to the contest in order to give the public what they really want. Blood.

Rather than have to face a tepid Krishnan Guru Murthy or a not very inquizatorial Julie Etchingham, potential PM's will have to run the gaultlet of answering questions from a 12ft high giant doll with a rotating head that fires bullets from machine guns if any of the candidates move....move away from speaking the truth or from actually answering the question they have been asked.

The remaining quartet of survivors would then engage in a tug of war in which one slip of the tongue over questions relating to the green energy levy would result in a death defying drop into political oblivion. The final three left standing, if indeed they can still stand, will then be presented with a final challenge, a walk across a bridge of interlocked glass segments, which may or may not shatter beneath their feet at any moment, a little like the egg shell thin excuses for their allegiance to Boris Johnson.

After that it will simply be hand to hand gladitorial combat at a variety of locations up and down the country in order to try to win the thumbs up rather than the thumbs down from the Tory faithful baying for blood. Let's hope there's lots!



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