9th June The floater that just won't flush


Despite the best efforts of 148 people, it appears that Boris Johnson, the floater that just won't flush, has survived to cling on to the side of the toilet bowl of politics for another day. 

In a mathematical conundrum that is baffling the brightest and best, including both Carol Vordemann and Rachel Riley, no one has yet been able to come up with a remotely sensible solution as to how back in 2018 having only 65% of your fellow MP's support you in a vote of confidence was a disaster for Theresa May and yet in 2022, having a lower figure of 59% of fellow MP's support you, is evidence of what a great job you are doing. This does prove that whilst you can't actually polish a t%$d, you can try to roll it in glitter to make it look attractive.

In breaking news Grace Under Pressure is unable to confirm whether the Queen will have the stomach and stamina to knight the 211 people who voted for Boris Johnson to remain or whether that task will be delagated to younger, fitter members of 'the firm'. Members that one hopes can channel the spirit of their ancestors by decarling with a swing of the ceremonial sword, 'Orf with their 'eds!'


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