3rd March Meet Mr Lover Man 2022


Ever found yourself being ruled by your heart instead of your head? Ever mishandled the biggest health crisis in a nations history in order to manhandle your new squeeze in a back room office? Ever been so overwhelmed by passion that all sense of duty simply evapourated? Ever thought that after six months out of the public spotlight it was time to reinvent your political career by simply claiming to be a man ruled by the swelling in his pants, sorry I meant love? Welcome to the world of Matt 'Mr Lover Man' Hancock.

In news just reaching Grace Under Pressure's very own loved up lexicographer, it appears that the old incompetent Matt Hancock is officially dead and has been replaced by the new Matt Hancock 2020, a version who has well and truly been infected by the love bug. 

This revelation has come as a shock to a country which perhaps for the first time has realised that it was Cupid rather than incompetence and ineptitude that was responsible for not enough blood circulating in Mr Hancock's brain at vital moments during the pandemic.

Having initially been hired to help him deal with his emotional intellegence and be able to communicate better, it appears that Gina Coladangelo has actually managed to transform Mr Hancock from a bumbling beurocrat into someone whose every thought, word and deed make the great love poets such as Byron, Shelley, Browning, Shakespeare and Yeats seem quite illiterate. And while falling in love isn't a crime, his issuing of PPE contracts to firms associated with family and friends might well be.

At the time of going to press, should Matt Hancock ever find that this current relationship has run its natural course, then Grace Under Pressure is suggesting a sure fire way to get back in the saddle again. One that is sure to have the nation gripped to his every word almost as much as they were during his daily press briefings from Downing Street.


 

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