21st March The definition of fighting for freedom

Despite being roundly and rightfully critised from all side of the political spectrum for claiming that battling to save your homeland from invading Russian forces was the equivalent of voting for Brexit, help for the Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, has come from an unexpected source today.

Standing amongst the ruins of what was once the city of Mariupol, primary school teacher, Tatyana Biblova, took a break from trying to locaate survivors in the underground shelter beneath her school, to speak to Grace Under (very heavy) Pressure.

"It is the inspiration of the ill informed voters in the UK who voted to leave the EU, that is giving me and my fellow citizens the courage to keep defening the hell that was once my home. Whilst it might not be on a par to having to take a quiet stroll down to a polling station to vote for taking back to control of how straight bananas have to be, I hope history will record our efforts as being pretty close."

On the front line of defending the city against a constant bombardment of morters and shells, 17yr old Igor Malnikov, who should have been beginning his studies at universtity further heaped praise on Mr Johnson saying, "If only we had a big red bus with lies painted on the side in 3ft high letters then perhaps the Russian would believe them and just go home."

"Whilst I have been brought up not to lie, I can see the courageous leadership it took for Mr Johnson to do it to the British people during Brexit, all under the veil of furthering his own political career. And the Holy Grail of getting a blue passport for the British nation. It not just propoganda that wins elections and ballots but also wars. So forget about the weapons and imposing a no fly zome over my homeland, just send some old red buses and we'll add the words to the side."

 Mother of three, Irena Molotoff, about to board a train to begin the journey to the Polish border added, "We are hoping that all of those Brexiteers who love to use battle analogies from the bravery of being out of range like that nice Mr Farage, will perhaps come over here and practise what they preach. Otherwise the purchase of those combat fatigues will have been a waste of money. Or at least give us a room in their multi million pound mansions, assuming we can summon as much courage as those who fought with such passion to ensure only British born fish swim in British waters."

"We had a comedian who became a national leader whereas you have a national leader who is trying as hard as he can to become a comedian. Now that does take courage."