9th February Starmer recognised at last


Spirits were reported to be sky high in Labour party headquarters today after several members of the general public actually recognised their leader Sir Kier Starmer.

Known up and down the land as 'the invisible man' of British politics, it is reported that more people have claimed to have seen Lord Lucan, Shergar and Elvis that have actually laid eyes on Starmer since he became leader of the opposition. Now it seems not only did a gang of ruffians lay eyes on him, some were determined to lay hands and boots on him too

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure an insider within the Labour party dismissed the idea that Sir kier was so anonymous, members of the shadow cabinet are issued with a weekly picture just to remind them what he looks like. "Meeting him out of context does makes this task of recognition even harder, " he admitted, "and many in the labour heartlands are still not convinced he would set off a motion detector or even have a reflection if caught in a mirror. Still at least it saves us money as we don't need to employ any protection officers. Or we didn't until yesterday when he suddenly went all Chris Whittty and managed to get assaulted in a public place."

Sir Kier Starmer himself said, “It was a frightening experience which wasn’t helped by the fact that the police grabbed a nearby manniquin dummy and whisked it away from danger in a speeding car, thinking that it was me. But it was nice to see that the baying mob actually acknowledge my tailors and where I had my suits made when they all pointed at me and shouted 'Saville, Saville' "

At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure is not able to confirm that this was in fact the biggest crowd Sir Kier Starmer has managed to draw in the past two years but it is quite probable.

 


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