5th February Dear Deirdre

Dear Deirdre,

When I first met the man who is now my husband, he was such a carefree individual. The kind of man who would dangle helplessly from a zipwire, smash into 10yr old Japanese schoolboys whilst playing touch rugby and order three giant water canons just because he could.

I fell instantly for his bluster and bumblng which had an certain attraction. I adored the way he could almost appear to make up words to confuse people. His reckless abandon with hair and clothes had such a charm to it. And I just loved how he always seemed to land on his feet as if he had nine lives. He even managed to get large parts of 'the northen people' to like him so much they elected him their 'main man' too. Infact everyone seemed to love him

Now it's all gone horribly wrong and I think I've married a complete bell end. He doesn't seem to know where fact ends and fiction starts and has taken to wearing Hi Viz tabards, hard hatS, and hanging about on building sites almost as if it has magical properties that make make it impossible for sleaze and shit to stick. 

Even his closest friends have stopped calling, well apart from calling for him to f%$^ 0%%. It's only the non stop parties and the thrill of being able to run my hands along wallpaper that cost as much per roll as the average gas bill is going to be, that keeps me sane.

The bottom line is I just can't see a future stuck with a 'once was' who is now a 'has been' and who is never likely to be 'a someone' again. What shall I do? Can I return these two kids and get a refund? Please help me end this nightmare.

Yours in utter desperation

Karrie Joan Son


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