27th February Boots butty bargain beats bugs


Worried that the cost of lateral flow tests are now out of your price range and that you have been too slow to horde a stock before the NHS website literally melted from vigerous over clicking? Then worry no longer because everyones favourite footwear shop, 'Boots' has come to the rescue by offering a covid testing kit as part of its new extended midday meal deal package. 

Now as well as a tasty Mexican wrap, BLT, or chicken and bacon combo, canny consumers will be able to grab a lateral flow kit alongside a can of zero calorie Cherry Fanta and a handful of grapes all for the bargain price of £7.99.

Spokesman for Boots, Dr Phrey Grance, revealed that in order to give its regular custmers the full authentic Boots retail experience, the lateral flow kit will be very poorly labelled and mixed in with home pregnancy kits and beer brewing packs so that for potential purchasers there will still that sense of dread as to whether it will or won't actually be included in the meal deal when scanned at the checkout.

A Downing Street spokesman revealed that this is the next stage of the governments plan to lure office workers back into the city, by offering covid security and a boost to the ecomony in one single swoop. Plus after perforating your nasal septum with a diamond sharp test swab you will hopefully not be able to smell the aroma of that Egg and Mayo sandwich that grabbed your atttention in a moment of Friday famine frenzy.



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