19th February Storm sceptics shun sanctuary


As the Meteorological Office issued a panic alert across the UK, storm sceptics, anti safety supporters and Eunice deniers continued to gather on mass in a national display of what it means to be a complete bell end.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure very own weather watcher, storm sceptic, Gale Force, revealed "Not a single chat feed on the social media I follow has mentioned anything about a storm so it must be another giant hoax issued by the government to try and take my freedom away. It's like Michael Fish but in reverse."

"If I want to be a wanker wave watcher and stand on the edge of a pier, attemping to take a selfie for my Instagram account as 30ft waves attempt to wash me to over the channel to France, then I will. If I want to be a forest fool and go walk in a wood and stand under a tree that looks as if it might be on its last legs then I can. And if noone is there to hear it fall on top of me then has it really fallen? If I want to be a driving dickhead and travel across a suspension bridge whilst towing a high sided caravan then that's my perogative." 

"If I feel like being a wandering wally and go for a walk over Dartmor wearing flip flops and a cagoul from Matalan then that's my choice. And if I want to be an arrogant arse and attempt to repair fallen power cables outside my house, based on my experience of  managing to change a plug twice before, then I bloody well wIll. Now if you'll excuse me I just need to go and piss into the wind!"

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