16th February Money for nothing and yer chicks for free

In an amazing display of philanthropic altruism, a man who never did anything wrong with a women he has no memory of ever meeting has suddenly decided to give her huge amounts of cash for absolutly no reason whatseoever. Apart from to shut the f%$k up. At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure is unable to confirm that a book of vouchers for Pizza Express was also part of the deal.

As news of this free cash giveaway began to circulate on the interweb, huge queues began to form up and down the mall made up of people who had also never ever met Prince Andrew or had anything done to them by Prince Andrew. Grace under Pressure was on hand to speak to one of the people hoping to benefit from Britains newest philanthropist.

"This has far more chance of making me a millionaire than buying a lottery ticket," explained Ivor Claimtoo. "Apparently all you need to do is ask and you get a lump sum. He just needs to be able to recall with absolute clarity that he is not able to recall ever meeting you or doing anything to you. Especially when you were a teenager. A bit like that Virginia Giuffre who also never met Prince Andrew according to Prince Andrew, who was also never ever in that photograph taken of the two of them together at the house of that sex trafficker and convicted peadophile".

"I mean I’m not greedy, a few hundred grand would be fine.I had hoped to be the only one who heard about the offer but the queue is worse than trying to get into Wimbledon. Thankfully I hear he's not in Dire Straits and has still got houses he can sell so I should be okay. People are saying its a one off case. Well until the next poor girl that Prince Andrew never met or did anything too too comes forward.

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