28th January Trial by jury or by 12 angry men?

In an amazing demostration that he has finger just about as far from the pulse of contemporay life as it is possible to get, the Prince formerly known as HRH Andrew has decided that a jury of 12 ordinary New Yorkers with both ampathise and sympathise in a court case involing his ivory tower Royal lifestyle and his friendship with a deceased billionaire private island paedophile and a convicted sex trafficker.

The Duke of York, who popular culture understands to have had 10,000 men, appears to be under the misconception that a jury of 12 good men and women from the Bronx, Queens and Brooklyn will form an instant bond that connects his jet setting Royal lifestyle with their blue collar existance.

Andrew, who by his own admission was just too decent and honourable to end a friendship with a convicted paedophile, is now claiming that he wasn't friends at all with the woman he invited to spend time in a hunting lodge on his mother's Balmoral estate and certainly never ever attended any parties that may or may not have involed having sexual relations with a minor. This as opposed to sex with a miner which is very much something of an underground scene.

“I’ll just explain, since I can no longer afford any lawyers, that it isnt what the photographs appear to show. I mean we’ve all been let down by people we know  haven’t we? Whether it’s a office colleage who gives the wrong answer during the inter department Christmas quiz tie break or a lovely couple who turn out to be running a sex trafficking ring." 

"I mean lots of couples throw parties attended by mainly rich  middle aged men and scores of teenage girls. How was I to know it was suspicious especially as I was having my %$&& *$%&£$ by a 17yr old at the time."

At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure is understand that former HRH Prince Andrew firmly believe thatcase will not go to trial and even if it does he will be found not guilty. No sweat!