19th January Chocogate leaves nasty stain

Despite overwhelming evidence identifying him as the sole perpetraitor, 2 yr old Wilfred Johnson has insisted that his parents wait for the results of an independent inquiry before jumping to any rash judgements as to who smeared chocolate all over the new Downing Street sofa.

Before being sent to sit on the naughty step, Jack has refused to answer any direct questions put to him about whether he knows anything about the confectionary calamity by simply saying, "I can see that it is an incident that causes great concern. I myself am greatly concerned. but before we jump to any quick conclusions and impose any nasty sanctions like cancelling this weekends trip to Peppa Pig World, I think it only prudent to wait for the finding of the full and open inquiry into the matter. Then, and only then, if necessary, should we discuss any potential consequences that may result from the inquiry’s results."

“I have already appointed my bestest ever friend Cressida from the local nursery to act as an independent judge and jury in this matter. And I immediately reject claims being made in the press that the fact we share a tub of play dough during our Tuesday creative modelling will have any influence on her verdict whatsoever."

When presented by Grace Under Pressure with photographs and CCTV video evidence showing him taking the bar of chocolate, unwrapping the bar of chocolate and then eating the bar of chocolate on the sofa, together with a series of incriminating miniature sized hands printes leading from the lounge back up to his bedroom, Jack remained defiant.

“I really do think it’s too early to apportion any sort of blame,” continued Jack. "Anyone with small hands could have done it. Donald Trump has very small hands, maybe he did it?"

The results of the Chocogate inquiry are expected to conclude next month although the final findings could be delayed as there are already inquiries taking place into how Jack's bed got wet last Wednesday night and who was responsible for the abstract art work on the £800 a roll kitchen wallpaper.

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