21st November Silent Sheeran sends donations soaring

Children in Need raised another massive amount of money on Friday evening for, well, Children in Need. Almost £40,000,000 squid was donated by a British public in response to drummers drumming and dancers dancing in what many thought was a live version of the 12 days of Christmas song. 

Today Grace Under Pressure can confirm that almost 96% of the entire total raised was pledged during a single 4 minute slot of the live telecast, with the money being given on the express condition that Ed Sheeran stopped singing immediatly.

Many viewers sent text messages to the BBC saying that they would much rather have their head stuck inside the base drum as Owain Wyn Evans' rat a tat tatted' for an entire day rather than have to endure a single Sheeran dittie. Many even  promised to double or even treble their donation if the sound of Sheeran's sonic shambles suddenly ceased.

At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure is unable to confirm that the threat of having Ed Sheeran perfom his entire album 'Equals' live and simultaneous across all terrestrial TV stations would raise enough money to refund the NHS. It would be horrible but it might just be worth it.



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