17th November All roads don't lead to Leeds

Sometimes having one good idea sparks off another one. And before you know it, you are just overwhelmed with a whole host of absolute bangers.Or at least you do if your idea of a trip to the north is a jolly to Barnet.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's very own Northen powerhouse, Government Minister for Levelling, Slashen Burn “explained "Having met up with for a croissant and caramel latte in the Knightsbridge branch of Pret a Manger, it suddenly dawned on us that no-one sat around the table had ever thought of needing to go to Leeds quicker via HS2." 

"Several people admitted never having been to Leeds and one individual had never even heard of Leeds. So before we had finished our fabulous brunch we had basically decided that not only did we not need a faster train service from the capital to Leeds but we didn't need a train service at all. And things just snowballed from there"

"So having decided that the HS2 rail link to Leeds was to be cancelled, it seemed quite sensible as part of the levelling process to cancel all the other rails links to Leeds as well. And if you have done that then why stop there and just remove the roads, canals, airports and cross Pennine footpaths. So from January 1st, 2022, Leeds will be cut off from the rest of Britain. Nobody will be allowed in or out and no government compensation will be offered to anyone living there, after all it was their choice in the first place."

"And once we have isolated one northern shitty, sorry I meant city it just seemed logical to extend that to other places such as Newcastle, Manchester and Liverpool before moving on to the smaller towns and villages. and before you can say 'Eh ba gum tha as a reet gradly whippet there' the whole of the north will have been levelled. Manifesto pledge delivered!".

 




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