15th November Liz (not) ready to check out

Rumours circulating up and down Pall Mall suggest that the Queen was forced to miss the Remembrance Day service at the Cenotaph yesterday not as initially reported due to a back sprain but because it clashed with her second job as a check out assistant at the Windsor branch of Aldi.

Forced to try top up a pension pot that is rapidly being emptied trying to fund her least favourite son's legal battles, Lizzy Windsor, as she is known to her colleagues, had signed up for a double shift without realisising the clash of dates.

Well respected for her rapid scanning action, even whilst balancing a handbag in the crook of her elbow, Lizzy Windsor, has been a regular at the checkout since early 2019, but has managed to keep her identity secret due to her disposable facemask. 

One colleague was quoted as saying, "Always managing to match her Aldi tabard with a suitable hat and gloves, Liz is not only regarded as a super shelf stacker but is also reputed to be a world authority on items to be found in the middle aisle. And you can always cadge a Banson & Hedges off her too if you run short!" 

At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure are unable to confirm that Prince Charles is currently undergoing councelling having misunderstood the breaking news that the Queen was about to 'check out' on Sunday.

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