12th November Attenborough desperate to get it on

After recording the voice over for the latest BBC wildlife extraveganza, The Mating Game, the national trevor, who is Sir David attenborough has realised that he is the only one featured in the series who hasn't had a good old shag in ages.

Denying accusations that he is the peeping tom of the animal and plant world, Sir David did admit that he is probably the world's greatest puruser of animals just getting down and dirty. Speaking to Grace Under Pressure Sir David Attenborough revealed, "My job during the filming of this latest voyeristic adventure  is to channel my inner Nigella and add a sensual voice overs to the sight of buffalo bonking, scoprions screwing, Koalas copulating, hedgehogs humping (carefully), foxes fornicating and rhinos have rumpy pumpy." 

"There’s probably not a species alive that I haven’t observed from a distance through my binoculars or in the sweaty confines of a sound booth, watching as they find a mate and surrender to their animal instincts. It was only during the editing process that I realised that out of everything thats features in the series it was only me that hadn't had a good seeing too in God knows how long. I think the last time my todger was touched, my cock caressed or my penis pummlled was back in the 1970's when we made Life on Earth. Since then not a sniff of a shag. If I was a species I'd be on the edge of extinction by now." 

Anyone wishing to help Sir David out of his bonking barrenness is advised to contact the BBC directly. At the time of going to Grace Grace Under Pressure is unable to confirm that a DVD of this nonogenarian nookie will be in shops in time for Christmas, all set to the classic soundtrack of Marvin Gayes 'Let's get it on'.


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