8th October Britain's elderly get bitten by vaccine bug

In a historical, ground breaking, medical breakthrough, a vaccine has finally been developed in order to protect children against malaria. After more than a century of trying, the vaccine, called RTS.S, first developed six years ago, has now been authorised for use by the WHO in the battle against one of the biggest scourges on humanity.

Even though malaria is prevelant mainly in sub Sarahan Africa, South East Asia and parts of Central America, where it is responsible the deaths of tens of thousands of children and infacts a year, it is widely expected that distribution of the vaccine will follow the established proper pattern of distribution. This will involve offering a double dose and booster to everyone in the UK, USA and other developing countries, before proceeding to school children. And then if there is any left, hopefully we can manage to ship a couple of crates of it to Africa before its expiry date. 

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, mosquito expert, Professor Ivor Bean Bitten explained, "Using the vaccine on top of existing tools could save tens of thousands of young lives each year in places like Kensington, Burnley and Newcastle as well as offering peace of mind to all those elderly folks worried about the midges and mozzies in the Scotish Highlands at this time of year."

At the time of going to press neither Piers Morgan nor Harry and Meghan have yet claimed credit for developing this new vaccine but they surely will before the end of the day.. 



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