6th October So what do we do now?


Captured on grainy CCTV images, pictures are just emerging of Chancellor Rishi Sunak banging his head on a wall at the Conservative party conference after discovering that all his sterling attempts (did you see what I did there!) to reboot the flailing British economy could have been abandoned and billions of pounds saved if he has only realised that the best way to suddenly boost creativity, output and productivity across every possible sphere of work was simply to induce a social media outage.

After Facebook and its associated tentacles went off line for six hours the other day, after an initial period of confusion and vacant expressions, people working at home and back in the office suddenly decided, that with nothing else better to do, they might as well do some work, resulting in what experts are calling an unprededented frenzy of productivity. The cause of the outage on the inter web, which also affected Instagram and Whatsapp, has been confirmed as “something technical”, that apparently didn't respond to the tried and trusted method of just tunring the world wide web off an on again.

Office worker, Ivor Jobtodu, revealed, "Oh those first moments were just awful. I felt like my virtual world and friends had just vanished before my eyes, which in truth they had. I kept trying to swipe right but there was nothing, just a blank space on my phone and in my soul. After 10 minutes I just thought well maybe I should start doing some of the stuff I am actually paid to do instead of sending memes of cats to Brenda in accounts all day. It was only 6 hours but I've already done more that I did in the past three months"

A spokesperson for the ever enterprising Mark Zuckerberg  said, “We would like to give developing countries and flagging economies the change to reboot by offering further strategic outages of our servvices at periodic intervals. All you need to do is sign up and let us share all your personal data with whoever offers us the biggest fee."


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