28th October Sunak's Squid Game solution

Rishi delivers the first challenge


With his firmly on the pulse of the zietgeist, £90 sandal wearing chancellor, Rishi Sunak, has announced that a new Squid Game style tournament is to be created, with the eventual winner actually getting a foot on the property ladder. Assuming they still have any feet left after the increasingly violent games.

It is expected that E4PlusOne Extra will secure broadcast rights to the event which is expected to be staged somewhere in the north of England as part of the governments levelling up process. Extended highlights will be shown on its sister channel E4PlusOneExtraExtra and probably be hosted by Bradley Walsh as he's in everything else at the moment.

An estimated 50,000 couples are expected to enter the property based event, tentatively titled 'Dislocation, Dislocation, Dislocation' which will have increasingly more deadly rounds involving popular pastimes from childood. These will including Skipping, Hide and Seek,  Tag / It, Hopscotch, Marbles, British Bulldog, Conkers, Rock, Paper, Scissors, Cat's Cradle, Jacks, Leapfrog, Double Dutch, Sunak Says and Beanbag toss   

Not only will one lucky couple win the chance to take out a life crippling mortgage on a non affordable home but 49, 999 other couples will be removed from all government waiting lists, which is a win win economics policy in anyones book. Plan B was that Mr Sunak could have increased taxes on the rich and used to funds to simply build more affordable homes. But as Tory poll showed that 'Dislocation, Dislocation, Dislocation' would be popular with the masses whilst providing evening entertainment for the ruling classes, that would be the course of action. Let the games begin!

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