23rd October Not keeping it in the family

 

Twins Matthew and Charlotte Staines were absolutely delighted yesterday to discover that a bidding war had developed on eBay for their younger sister Beatrice. This should not be mistaken for the kind altruistic attempts of Matthew and Charlotte to assisit 6 month old Beatrice in making her first eBay sale but rather the more sinister realisation that Matthew and Charlotte had in fact listed their screaming and shitting sibling for sale on the world best known internet auction site.

Speaking to Grace Unde Pressure, Matthew revealed, "the idea of a little sister did seem appealing at first until Mummy actually brought her home from the hospital, after which she promptly forgot that she already had two other adorable children. Suddenly it was Beatrice this and Beatrice that and she only needed to smile, burp or fart to neccesitate another thousand pictures being snapped and loaded onto Facebook. She's even got her own TickTok account for heavens sake."

"Then there was all the screaming and shitting everywhere," added Charlotte, "and trying to get a good nights sleep was impossible. In the end Matthew and I decided there was only one thing to do. We were so desperate to get rid of Beatrice that we didnt even set a reserve price on eBay and would even have covered the cost of postage ourselves to be honest just to get rid of her. Thankfully for us three couples semed to find her cute and ended up in a bidding war for her. We're not sure how we'll explain it all to Mummy and Daddy but we're sure they'll understand."

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