1st October Boris sets sights on being the saviour of Easter


Having assured the nation that he has succesfully saved Christmas, Boris johnson has now set his sights on being the saviour of Easter in what many are predicting will be a death defying act.


An unamed source inside Downing Street has confirmed that before every major seasonal festival, life in Britain will go absolutly tits up due to one or more completely avoidable crisis that will be made 1000% worse by not following he science, poor communication and a policy of only locking the stable door after the house has bolted. A perfect scenario for  Boris to once again 'save the day for the entire nation.

"It's a new tradition that will soon become established in folklore ", explained our mole. "Boris and Jesus are already interchangable in many people's minds. Both are blond, blue eyed, both party loving animals with series of failed relationship that resulted in an unknown number of children. We will simply blame everything that has happened on someone or somethign else. Then take the credit for doing what we should have done months ago. It's a great way to boost our popularity and combat the developing threat of IKEA Stammer".

At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure understands that uncivil servants are drawing up plans to have all the Easter Eggs removed from supermarket shelves as soon as they appear in January. It is also rumoured that the Easter Bunny will be abducted and held for ransom in a fake kidnap plot orchestrated by arch villains Michael Gove and Jacob Reese Mogg, only for Boris to undertake a Liam Neeson style rescue mission and save the day once again.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

6th May Olbia

Image
  A chance to stretch our legs today with our first port of call; Olbia, Sardinia. And it was a quick stretch too due to it being only a five hour stay. Up bright and early, so early in fact that the hot food at the buffet wasn't even ready to be served. Still it gave us a chance to watch the ship glide into port past a host of oyster/mussel beds, before performing a 180 degree turn to reverse into it's berth. A couple of short bus rides later and we were in downtown Olbia. But there an hour or so before anything appeared to open, the disadvantage of being early birds and something we don't seem to learn! Not that Olbia had a great deal to see or maybe if we had done the slightest bit of planning beforehand there might have benn but we didn't. It was pleasant enough but that's about it. It was pleasant enough but nothing special, indeed we were back on the ship after just a couple of hours ashore and then managed to sleep away most of th...
Read more

7th May Naples

Image
 I'm sure I've heard the phrase 'see Naples and die' suggesting that it is perhaps not the nicest location in the Mediterranean but if it's good enough for Diego Maradona fir a few years then it's good enough for me for 10 hours. Although the millions of tax free pounds he was paid might have eased his stay. By the time we got up, washed, dressed and up to The Kitchens, the rest of the ship were already there. Compared to the Marie Celeste of yesterday it was absolutely packed, presumably with people having breakfast before heading out on 8am excursions, our excursion was simply going to be the city of Naples itself as possible trips to Vesuvius, Pompei or the Amalfi coast would have been too much / tired.  So on a day when the weather initially seemed uncertain, we jumped aboard route A for the Hop on Hop off bus and headed out into the mayhem that is the Napoli traffic where it was every van, car and scooter for the selves. I think it's bes...
Read more