19th October Prince William on her Majesty's secret service


With 60 cyclists failing to escape the combined aural torment of having to listen to both Ed Sheeran and Coldplay, despite achieving power outputs that would put Olympic cyclists to shame, Prince William's impromptu audition to be the next James Bond has divided critics.

Whilst the car and hot bird on his arm ticked several of the required boxes for any 007,  rocking up to his Earthshot thingymajig, in an outfit that might well have received a custodial sentence in the 2021 Fashion Crime awards, did not help William's cause, with even Royal sycophant, Wichalas Nitchell, describing the ensemble as a poor Steve Jobs lockalike.

Palace sources suggest that William is desperate to land the role of 007 after becoming really pissed off to discover that Harry and Meghan are being lined up to star as super heroes as part of the ever expanding the Marvel Universe, roles they would be perfect for given that they already live in a fantasy world of their own. 

At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressue is unable to confirm the rumour being spread by Bond rival, Idris Elba, that Prince William's decision to wear the polo shirt was in fact done to hide embarrassing love bites or an ill thought out neck tattoo.



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