6th September Disqualified from disability claim

Thousand of work shy fraudsters up and down the land will be panicking this morning following the stunning displays by Team GB's paralympians returning home after picking up scores of medals in Tokyo. Many will now be expecting the ominous thud on the door mat of a letter from Work and Pensions Secretary, Therese Coffey, asking whether if a partially sighted archer can manage to hit a bullseye from 50 meter, why they can't attendence an ability to work interview despite their 'disability' of an aching back?

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's currently sidelined Olympic hopeful,  reciever of multiple govenment benefits, Layz Esod, revealed his admiration for the inspirational achievements he has occasionally glimpsed on Channel 4 over the past 11 days. But admitted it had raised questions as to whether a fully abled bodied person like himself might now be required to actually try and do a proper job rather than be paid to sit at home watching Homes Under The Hammer all day

Explaining his concerns he revealed, "No one had more pride than I did when I saw one of our athletes stood, or stood to the best they could, on the podium recieving a medal. But watching someone compete in the 3,000 metre steeplechase with two artificial legs, or swim 100  metres with no limbs at all has put unbelievable pressure on me to catch a bus down to the local job centre and try to find work despite the occasional twinge in my knee." 

"At one point I almost felt guilty for claiming as much money as I do but after a lie down the feeling went away. Surely the government are going to start to think if someone can propel themself in a modified wheelchair round and round a track relying solely on the power of their upper arms, then there's a good chance I might be able to answer the phone in a call centre or put things in an envelope for a charity."

"It's all very well Dame Sarah Storey winning her 17th Olympic medal but does she realise the effect her performance has had on my mental health with the prospect of now actually having to work for a living!"