30th September Pendulum immigration policy in full swing


Hardly has the ink dried on the decision to tell foreign national workers to bugger off back home, than the UK government is demanding that they come back. Well come back until we don't need them anymore, when they can all just f%$^ off again back to where they came from on Christmas Eve.

With there suddenly appearing to be hundreds of thousands of jobs that UK citizens simply won't do at all, Home Secretary Pritti Patel is demanding that at least a gazzillion people not able to claim British citizenship, rights of residency or own a blue passport should return here immediatly to get us out of this mess and help Boris save Christmas.

Anyone with or without the required skills, qualifications or experience to drive an articulated lorry, harvest seasonal vegetables, pick packages, pluck chickens or look after an elderly person in a care home is asked to apply immediatly. Even those arriving illegally in boats from across the channel will be screened and assessed to see if they can be of any use before being turned round.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, Bulgarian HGV driver, Shuvitup Urass, revealed "What's that, will I do an 18hr a day shift, having to pee in an empty Starbucks cup and sleep in a layby in a country that racially abuses me just to ensure you get your pigs in blankets for Christmas? Uhm let me just ponder for a moment. NO!"


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