29th September Rod finally does wanna open up about it


After years and years of keeping his emotions all bottled up inside, Rod Stewart has decided that he finally does 'wanna talk about it, and how you broke his heart' 

Having released the smash hit back in 1975, Stewart has maintained his dignified silence ever since, refusing to engage whenever the topic was brought up, claiming that he really didn't want to talk about it, despite being offered huge sums of money. Now it appears he just can't shut the f^%$ up about it.

In fact he has started to bang on and on and on about it so much that several therapists and councellers have themselves had to seek professional health having been on the receiving end of his constant babbling. And his poor wife Penny Lancaster has become so desperate to get out of the house that she has taken to appearing on Loose Women and acting as a special constable in the city of London  

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's very unsympathetic ear, Rod Stewart revealed, “I don’t know man, I guess I thought that pretending I didn’t want talk about it made me seem really strong and manly Maybe even cool, you know despite the leopard skin pants and riiculous hair. How I regret it all now. I can't begin to tell you," he explained, almost mocking the very fact that he hadn't shut up about it since deciding to break his silence."

"I guess we all say stupid things when we’re young or don't say in my case. But I’m past all that now and open to offers. So if you want my body and you think I'm sexy Come on sugar tell me so, if you really need me just reach out and touch me, come on honey tell me so."

At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure is still declining Mr Stewart's offer.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

6th May Olbia

Image
  A chance to stretch our legs today with our first port of call; Olbia, Sardinia. And it was a quick stretch too due to it being only a five hour stay. Up bright and early, so early in fact that the hot food at the buffet wasn't even ready to be served. Still it gave us a chance to watch the ship glide into port past a host of oyster/mussel beds, before performing a 180 degree turn to reverse into it's berth. A couple of short bus rides later and we were in downtown Olbia. But there an hour or so before anything appeared to open, the disadvantage of being early birds and something we don't seem to learn! Not that Olbia had a great deal to see or maybe if we had done the slightest bit of planning beforehand there might have benn but we didn't. It was pleasant enough but that's about it. It was pleasant enough but nothing special, indeed we were back on the ship after just a couple of hours ashore and then managed to sleep away most of th...
Read more

7th May Naples

Image
 I'm sure I've heard the phrase 'see Naples and die' suggesting that it is perhaps not the nicest location in the Mediterranean but if it's good enough for Diego Maradona fir a few years then it's good enough for me for 10 hours. Although the millions of tax free pounds he was paid might have eased his stay. By the time we got up, washed, dressed and up to The Kitchens, the rest of the ship were already there. Compared to the Marie Celeste of yesterday it was absolutely packed, presumably with people having breakfast before heading out on 8am excursions, our excursion was simply going to be the city of Naples itself as possible trips to Vesuvius, Pompei or the Amalfi coast would have been too much / tired.  So on a day when the weather initially seemed uncertain, we jumped aboard route A for the Hop on Hop off bus and headed out into the mayhem that is the Napoli traffic where it was every van, car and scooter for the selves. I think it's bes...
Read more