23rd September Deal or no deal...oh no deal!


Absolutely convinced that if it ended one long term relationship it wouldn't be five minutes before it had shacked up with another partner, on far more agreeable terms, Great Britain is today waking up alone in bed, having been publically dumped by its long term love target after just a single date.

Having unilaterally ended a long term union of 47 years with the European Union, under the impression that the grass was greener on the other side of another stretch of water, the tumescent expectations of Great Britain are today resembling those of someone suffereing from impotence.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, member of the British trade delegation, Weera Goodcatch, explained "After all the constant flirting, tentative hand holding, compliments and glances across crowded rooms, we all thought we had received the 'come on' signals that promised a good time. Now we have been dumped without even a peck on the cheek, never mind a sweet, sweet free trade deal. Cast aside like a used kleenex. It's just made me feel like a dirty little whore who is willing to jump into bed with anyone who is reported to have a massive package."

"It now looks as if I might have to retrieve those emails containing coded advances from Belize, Andorra and Lichtenstein that I deleted from my laptop. Unless off course Europe comes crawling on it's knees begging for us to come back. Even after everything we’ve said. I mean I can't think of anything that could torpedo that reunion of bon ami can you?"


 

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