30th July Skateboarder fails test


The Tokyo Olympics was rocked by its first scandal today when one of the competitors in the new event of skateboarding was disqualified. This disqualification was not due to the identification of a performance enhancing drug but rather the detection of a pubic hair. 

Picked up by both Clare Balding and Dan Walker in an early morning transmission, high definition 4k images revealed what was initially thought might have simply been a loose thread from the competitor's shorts. Closer examination via super slow motion replays revealed that the strand of stray silk was in fact a straggling pubic hair.  

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's very own wheelie wizard, international judge, Casper Flip, revealed, "Pubes are to give competitors an unfair advantage in being able to perform ollies on stairs, handrails, curbs, benches, walls and slopes.To compete whilst having them just isn't rad, sick or fire but is a strict violation of Olympic rules, regulations and ethos which judging from the current competitors state that competitors in skateboarding must be under 13 with no evidence of puberty having taken place.

At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure is unable to confirm that the favourite for the gold medal is now the Brazilian athlete.

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