28th July Pedestrian plodder desexualises his image


Following on from the example set by the German female Olympic gymnastics team, Hucknall's foremost pedestrian plodder, Ikantgofa Ster, has also resolved to desexualise himself when out pounding the pavements of the town. 

Worried that his magnificent calves, stunning thighs and utterly pinchable buttocks might cause people to view him not as an over the hill athlete who looks like he may (or may not) have represented GB in Atlanta but simply as 'sex on a stick', Ikantgofa Ster, has vowed to abandon skimpy T shirts and skin light lycra leggings for exceedingly baggy jogging bottoms and oversized uni sex sweatshirt.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, Ikantgofa Ster explained, "it all became unbearable. All the wolf whistles and sexual innuendos everytime I went out for a jog. Then there was all the attempted fondling, caressing and pinching. I would come back black and blue. After a while I just couldn't run past the Methodist Women's Guild anymore. It was too dangerous".

At the time of going to press Ikantgofa Ster is hoping that his new desexualised appearance has helped him shed the skin of being the sexiest shuffler south of Staveley.



 

 

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