23rd July It's all just wind

Having confounded hair stylists for more than a decade and been immune to innumerable products, pastes and potions, aerodynamic experts have finally concluded that Boris Johnson's 'dragged through a hedge backwards' look is as a result of the turbulance caused by so many rapid U turns.

Unsure if he is coming or going, the man who has flip flopped more than a beach load of tourists in Magaluf, has constantly appeared on out TV screens looking like a bedragled Worsel Gummidge who had been holding an electrostatic generator.

"It's all to do with the apparent distribution of Boris' follicles compounded by the whisp nature of his actual barnet," explained wind tunnel approved aerodynamics expert, Professor Turb Ulance.

"Given the rapid speed with which Mr Johnson is constantly making U turns, the G forces exerted on his head are roughly three times those experienced by Lewis Hamilton during a formula one race. His head only stays on because it is so unbeleivably dense, probably the densest of any Prime Minister. Even the stiffest hair putty produced by TRESemme in unable to compete with the forces generated by policy U turns such as 'wear a mask but don't wear a mask.'

When asked by Grace Under Pressure's very own carefully coiffeured correspondent if there was any solution to this hair horror, Professor Turb Ulance paused for thought before replying, "well he could do a Gareth Bale I suppose!"


 

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