18th July Fat cats plan fat tax on fatties

With the prospect of a Venti Caramel Frappe from Costabucks costing close to £1,500 as a result of the new proposed sugar tax, sweet tooth caffeine consumers up and down the country are caught in a calories vs cash conundrum. A similar dilemma faces lard arsed lovers of Pringles with a single tube of God's greatest gift expected to cost close to grand.

With rising rates of obesity in the UK, Tory fat cats have looked at ways to address the issue of both sugar and salt in food in order to improve diets, particularly among those on low incomes who might be attracted to junk food. Unfortunately this proposed health measure means that the poorest families will now be forced to chose between a weeks holiday for 4 in Skegness and a single coffee and crisp blowout. 

Speaking on behalf of Costabucks, company spokesperson, Frappa Latte, explained " As a company that puts profits before health we are totally onboard with this government initiative and had promosed to reduce the sugar content of  caffiene based drinks and snacks. Over the next 12 months or perhaps a bit longer, we aim to reduce the sugar content of our beverages from 'almost all of it' to just 'most of it'. We also aim to decrease consumer consumption by reducing access to our shops by making the doors only 35cm wide"

Regular Pringles partaker, Lar D'Arse, also spoke to Grace Under Pressure, "I did get worried that my mental health was at risk when my sausage like fingers became too too big to actually fit into the tube. Thankfully I can just tip the contents right into my mouth. But I do have to question whether Pringles are doing their bit for the environment. I mean putting a resealable plastic lid on every tube just seems ridiculous because who in their right mind is ever going to need to reseal it half way through?"









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