17th July Are you reading to play Ping?

With Boris Johnson unable to go back on his word, having promised the country that easing of lockdown restrictions will be irreverible, Tory PLC has been investigating other methods of imposing a lockdown by stealth. 

Remember back in 2014, when rock group U2 managed to download a copy of their new album 'Songs of Inocence' onto every Apple mobile phone, without even asking whether owners wanted the download or not? Well boffins and geeks at GCHQ certainly do and have decided that the way to cut down Covid transmission rates is by simply downloading a copy of their utterly magnificent new Test & Trace app 'Ping' onto every mobile phone, tablet, laptop and computer in the country. An app that cannot be deleted, disabled or swtiched off. 

And then by the simple click of a mouse, everyone who owns a mobile device or computer will be 'Pinged' whether they have come into close contact with an infected person or not and immediatly ordered to self isolate. And voila, an instant lockdown for the 92% of the country that own a mobile device. 

With UK weekend temperatures sending even Tomaz Schafenaker rushing for his shades and shorts, and with government PR events like the Euros and Wimbledon now over, Grace Under Pressure can confirm that the Conservative party will pick today to put their stealth isolation program into operation. After all too much fun and freedom is bad for your health.



 

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