15th July Tokyo hopeful almost dies

Hucknall's emergency services were almost called out just after 7am yesterday when delusional Tokyo hopeful, Ivor Stitch, attempted to multi task in order to kill two birds with one stone. Instead he almost came face to face with his own mortality upon discovering that trying to run, breath, talk and video himself at the same time was one challenge to many. 

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, local farmer, Getoffmy Land, revealed, "It was my two dogs that became unsettled at first, barking ferociously as they no doubt picked up on the initial high pitched asthmatic wheeze. Then as the sound changed, at first I thought either one of my ewes had gone into labour or that one of my prize bullocks was in its final death throws."

"The noise was almost primeval in nature and just kept getting louder and louder across the fields. It was only as 'it' came over the top of the hill like a monster in slow motion that I realised it was just some completely unfit pedestrian plodder trying to add a commentary to a video he was making as he ran. Well I say 'ran', let's just say he moved forward." 

"He looked as if he were about to die. Luckily for him he was wearing a yellow flourescent top so bright the emergency helicopter would have had no trouble spotting him collapsed in the field. I tried to talk to him but all I could make out in between the frantic gasps for air was something about Chariots of Fire before he disappeared back into the wheat fields."

Grace Under Pressure understands that CCTV footage of Ivor Stich multi task by attempting to run, breathe, talk and video  will be available via the NNE circuit service on Sunday morning. For those of a sensitive disposition extreme caution is advised.