11th July Eng-er-land fans go old school to Caesar moment of history

                                             John Stones and Harry McQuire ready for kick off


With a police crackdown to prevent yet more laser pens being shone in the eyes of opposition goalkeepers, die hard Eng-er-land fans dsperate for a win at all costs, have decided to go old school for the final against Italy. And by old school we mean back to the last time Eng-er-land appeared in a major final prior to 1966, which was 1066, a fixture that yet again they lost.

"People are describing it as a real David and Goliath contest,” said England supporter, Ray Cyst Bloke, "so we might as well use slings to fire small jagged rocks at the head of our opponents. I means it's in the bible so it's almost like God telling us to do it. And everyone know the bible was written by English King James. If that proves ineffective then we can always use those giant catapults and battering rams like they used in medieval sieges to breach the Italian back four".

"And building a moat and defensive wall around our penalty area is another pretty good tactic," Ray Cyst Bloke continued,  "although we are no too sure how that will work out when we change ends at half time. Some of the other lads have decided to go for pikes and spears, which they reckon they can sneak them into Wembley disguised as flag poles and then pick off the Italians one by one. That will give them something to think about as they roll around the floor feigning injury.

"And if we really have to bring our the big guns then we can always play Coleen Rooney and Rebekah Vardy. I mean not even the hardest Italian forward is gonna wanna tackle that tag team"



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