8th June Just a week old

In a world exclusive, Grace Under Pressure has been given unprecidented access to the 1600 page Mail on Sunday Fawn-a-thon due to hit doormats with an almighty thud this weekend.

In forensic detail the Mail's team of Royal sycophants will describe in agonising details the first seven days in the life of baby Liliput, named to signify her place as a giant amongst the mere mortals of this world. In doing so they will                  attempt to transform the mundane into the the magnificent, the ordinary into the astounding and decidely dull into the daringly delightful. And it's readers will simply lap it all up.

Born in a hospital, which will no doubt be added to the celebrity coach tour of LA before the month is out, baby Libelus, has already been described as 'the younger sister of Archie Mountbatten-Windsor', mainly because Archie is a couple of years older than her and that’s how siblings and families work.

Weighing in at a breathtakingly average 7lbs and 11oz, the cutting of Likesabet's umbilical cord might at one stage have been seen as a precursor to a multitude of other ribbons and cords she might have been expected to cut during her lifetime, had mummy and daddy not thrown all of her intended toys out of their pram and fled a life of privilage for a life of, well erh privilage.

Unable to settle on a surname from Game of Thrones, the young family chose to keep Mountbatten as its literally the only thing left attaching them to the Royal Family. Insider sources are saying that the choice of 'Lilibet' as a name is in no way shape or form a cynical attempt to gain favour with the well off grandparents of a family they seem desperate to avoid and at the same time cling on to.

Royal watchers have confirmed that the Queen is said to have had a tear in her eye upon hearing that her new great grand daughter had also been given the name Diana, as her Majesty always had a soft for buxom blonde, Diana Dors.

No photos of the baby, Little Bit, have yet been released although judging by those released of her elder brother, its a penny to a pound that they will be black and white arty farty shots showing the baby's belly button or back of it's head. Unconfirmed leakage suggests that the baby’s favourite meal is milk, whilst her favourite activities are said to be screeching and shitting. 

Liddle Livabit is said to be settling in at home, which in her case is an 11 million pound mansion in the Santa Barbara hills, even though her Papa claims he is actually having to work for a living, having been cut off from the family bank of 'Dad and Mum in law'.  The girl is gonna have it tough!

 

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