2nd June Eng-er-land's fall back full back formation set to fail


With the European Championships only 10 days away and after finishing top of their qualifying group following stunning wins over Albania, Andora and the might of San Marino, Eng-er-land supremo Gareth Southgate has suddenly realised that he is about to face teams who are not composed of painters, sheep herders, florists and tax inspectors.

As such, yesterday he unveiled his squad for the forthcoming competition which will aim to stun the opposition or at least enable Eng-er-land to scrape into the knockout stages by fielding an 8-1-1 formation beginning with the warm up games against Austria and Romania this week

Realising that his only option is not just to park the bus but to wheel clamp it as well, Southgate has opted for an eight at the back, a defensive holding midfield player and poor Harry Kane stuck on his own upfront, although Southgate has confirmed that Kane is under instructions to track back for corners, free kicks and the 85% of the game when the opposition have the ball to help out what many expect to be a beleagured defensive effort.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's very own waist coat wearing wonder Southgate explained, "It's really important to be both solid and flexible at the back, especially at right back where I will be playing all my possible four options, all at the same time. This added to two centre backs and two left backs will hopefully ensure that we can hold out until penalties when we will inevitably lose to the Germans. Again."

At the time of going to press the appearance in the championships of 17 yr old Jude Bellingham is uncertain as it is reported that he will only receive permission from his mum if he tidys his room up and stops answering back in such a cheeky manner.


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