1st July Chris Whitty: He's no mug!


What probably started out as a harmless bit of joshing by a couple of lads who had obviously had one too many shandies at lunchtime, ended up being something with far more serious consequences as mild mannered Chief Medical Officer Chris Whitty revealed another side to his character.

The man who had managed to remain both straight faced and patient during innumerable blundering and bumbling daily briefings by Boris Johnson finally reached the end of his tether when accosted in St James' Park by two young men desperate to snap a selfie with Britain's germ giant.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure, a passerby described events, "One minute they were yelling at him, then hugging him in an embrace Matt Hancock would have been proud of, before finally trying to take a selfie with the great man. The next think I knew, he just roared 'Next Slide Please' and with a lightening fast combination of punches just laid the two hecklers out for the count. I mean respect to the man, he didn't even have to stop and change into a fancy super hero costume or nothing, just wham bham! We now know why he is known around the corridors of power as Chris 'Two Jabs' Whitty'."

What caused this incredible Hulk like transformation is as yet unclear but Proffesor Whitty sees this incident of yet another step in the evolution of the Covidiot virus that we shall for the sake of this blog call the 'Bellend Varient'. Unlike the other varients, the Bellend Varient has little effect of the respiratory system as most sufferers are mouth breathers anyway. Instead it heads straight for the prefrontal cortex area of the brain and simply wipes away any remaining common sense. 

There is at present no vaccine available for this Bellend Varient with even Dame Sarah Gilbert and her team at Astra Zenica admitting it is a lost cause, and something that unfortunatly we are all just going to have to get used to living with.


 

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