16th June Can someone please turn down the thermostat!

After a week of almost tropical temperatures, thousands of people up and down the UK have concluded that despite claiming otherwise, they are actually thoroughly miserable if the temperatures rises above 20 degrees Celsius.  

Despite years of past experience, pasty-skinned Brits have been flocking to the country’s beaches, parks and open spaces smothering themselves in chip fat and returning home several house latter with chafing thighs and lobster red sunburn. Not that home offers any refuge with every attempt to open a window or patio door even a few millimeters greeted with an invasion of bees, wasps and other airborne creepy crawlies.

Cranky kids succumbing to heatstroke, druken brawls on proms, litter actually obscuring any sand, the irritating sound of flip flops, the smell of the sewage outlet pipe just down the beach, queing hours for an ice cream and the sight of not very attractive people wearing far too little are just some of the things Britain have decided it can do without this summer. And indeed every summer till lockdown is finally lifted in 2028.

At the tiime of going to press the Potter family from Bury Lancashire are still planning to spend the remaining 4 days of their summer holiday attempting to complete the giant OXO game generated when dad Stan fell asleep on Blackpool pleasure beach wearing his string vest.



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