7th May Labour is red, Tories are blue, what kind of colour is right for you?

After years of having their interests and concerns ignored by someone wearing a red rosette, the good people of Hartlepool have voted to see whether someone wearing a different colour of rosette will ignore then any less. 

The town which has returned a Labour MP for almost half a century, some of which could actually point to Hartlepool on a map, have this morning decided that enough is enough and have elected Jill Mortimer, a Tory candidate who lives in very upmarket town of Thirsk and who may or may not be able to spell Hartlepool correctly at the first attempt.

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's political pundit, local man, Ivor Whippet,  explained, "it's the Tory partys proficiency at achieving the highest covid death toll in Europe, offering dodgy PPE contracts to their mates, showing the common man that a months wages can buy a single roll of wall paper and the overall air of sleaze and corruption that persuaded me that Jill Mortimer was the man for the current zeitgiest." 

"That and the fact that the missis said its just like when you're fed up of the colour of the walls in the back bedroom and decide to change it in the hope that it will become an Airbnb attraction, despite the fact that Hartlepool has no attractions for people to come and see."

According to Grace Under Pressure it is expected that Ms Mortimer will spend the rest of the day alongside Prime Minister Boris Johnson, waving to bemused residents, before both decamp to Westminster until the next election when Ms Mortimer will return to Hartlepool to spend a couple of days waving at bemused residents who have completely forgotten who she is or what she was supposed to do for them.

Over the other side of the political divide, senior figures within the left wing of the Labour Party have been very vocal in their criticism of leader Sir Kier Stammer saying that despite all his promises he has been unable to deliver the kind of galvanising electoral drubbing that Jeremy Corbyn was famous for and achieved on an almost constant basis. 

Meanwhile Grace Under Pressure can announce the release of a new version of everyones favourite forensic police drama with CSI: Hartlepool having been green lit. In the opening episode, a PPE clad Sir Kier Stammer, will investigate a corpse washed ashore in the early hours of this morning that early reports indicate bears a striking resemblance to the Labour party,