31st May Gove in Carrie is a person not a verb shock

 

According to the latest tweets emerging from Demonic Cummings, the 'mawidge' of former bromance partner Boris Johnson at the weekend showed a complete lack of planning and stategy.

According to the spurned lover, the sending out of invitations was a complete communications shambles as it relied on an announcement being put up on the government website, that no one was told about. People were then told that although technically they were allowed to come, they really shouldn't come unless thay absolutely had to come, in which case it might be better if they didn't come after all.

Initial plans to have Chris Whitty perform the ceremony live on TV  had to be cancelled as the date clashed with Professor Whitty's 'Next Slide Please' UK tour. Matt Hancock, too busy saving lives,  outsourced the buying of Carrie's outfit to his next door neighbour who had extensive experience in this area having once seen a woman wearing a dress. 

Needless to say the procurement went tits up. As a result the hoped for £2,870 Costarellos embroidered tulle gown with tiered skirt, fitted bodice, bell sleeves and latticework trims had to be replaced by a dress made from unused PPE, several doilies and some flowers stolen from a nearby garden. The location of the cake that failed to arrive still cannot be tracked or traced by Dido Harding, although it is thought to have contained several tiers

Whether Carris has been hypnotised, blackmailed or has a beloved family member currently being held hostage is uncertain at this point, but there must be some reason to explain her actions. The happy couple are expected to delay their honeymoon until a Tory party donor offers to pay for it. Meanwhile hundred of thousands of unhappily married couples up and down the land are wondering if the Catholic church will now feel that their Anglican weddings are actually invalid and never actually happened too

In breaking news Grace Under Pressure undertands that minister for the cabinet office and Chancellor of Duchy of Lancaster, Michael Gove, had been admitted to hospital over the weekend after the shock of discovering that 'Carrie Johnson' was actually a person and not the verb used to discribe what the rest of the Tory pary had been doing to their beloved leader for the past 14 months or so.

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