29th May Liar, liar are your pants on fire?

The 2 million pound Downing Street press briefing room lies in smouldering ruins this morning after Matt Hancock's trousers apeared to spontaneously combust during his 5 pm Covid 19 update. This follows a similar flame related incident in the House of Commons ealier in the week.

At the time of going to press the reasons for Matt Hancock’s pants catching fire are nothing more than unsubstantiated allegations that are in no way shape or form based on the truth or hard evidence. Unless off course you are counting 30,000 unneccessary and highly preventable deaths after Mr Hancock put a protective ring around care homes in a similar way to how the Sheffield United back four attempted to protect their goal.

Many has initially thought that the sudden fiery furnace might have been generated by static electricty produced from Mr Hancock's polyester pants as he squirmed and repeatedly buttock clenched under the pressure of questioning from fashion model and part time political analyst Laura Keunnesberg.

Others now suspect that it is more likely to have been a sudden spark generated as Mr Hancock's rapidly growing nose rubbed repeatedly against the edge of the lectern with each answer he gave. Thanfully for all concerned Dilyn the Downing Street dog, bladder ready to burst, appeared on the scene and was able to exinguish the fire in what many saw as a very fitting manner.

 


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