28th May Arsenal target Bacelona pitch as summer transfer target


As the premier league season rolls to its uninspiring climax and the supporters of England, Scotland and Wales look forward to yet another disaterous performance in a major competition, when the 'it' sung about in the famous chorus 'It's coming home' is going to be our representative teams, possibly even before the knock out stages begin.

Meanwhile back on home turf, having failed to qualify for Europe for the first time in 25 years, north London luvies 'the Arsenal' have announced their top summer transfer target.
Realising that capturing goal machine, Harry Kane, from North London rivals 'the Spurs' was a no go once Kane revealed he wanted to win trophies, Arsenal supportes are delighted to hear that the club are confident of signing the Barcelona pitch for a fee of around £30 million in the next few days

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's very own keep uppy king, former Arsenal player Ian Wright explained the rationale behind this acquisition. "It can't just be coincidence that Barcelona have had so many good players over the years," revealed Wright, "I mean there's Messi, that little balding chap who passed the ball a lot, the one who kicked the shit out of Mo Salah in the Champions League final and a whole host of others with names I can't even pronounce properly."

"And what's the one thing they all had in common apart from unbelievable natural ability, great coaches, astute tactics, incredible fitness and an amazing work ethic. It's the pitch isn't it. They were all world class because of the pitch they played on. When you think about it it's blinding obvious. I mean even ex Tottenham man Steve Archibald looked good playing at the Nou Camp. It's only gonna be a matter of time once we get playing on that pitch before we are going to be world beaters or at least as good as West Ham."

Elsewhere, it is understood that Manchester United are aiming to outshine their noisy neighbours next season after completing the signing of Wythenshaw based spiritualist Tracy Potts after she claimed on local radio to be able to channel the spirit of Bobby Charlton. This has causd consternation amongst the Old Trafford faithful and especially Bobby Charlton who rang into the same radio sation to announce he isn't actually dead.

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