27th May Lover's tiff goes viral


In a move that shocked no one in particular, spurned lover Demonic Cummings launched his 'Get Boris Done' campaign before a select committe yesterday afternoon by throwing his former BBF, Bojo Johnson, under the bus. A big red bus with an equally big lie painted on the side of it. 

The man, who just a few months ago the whole country thought was a sociopathic liar, and who had single handedly undermined the fabric of society with his trip to Barnard Castle, is today being praised in pubs and the associated press for telling the truch, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Because people can change.

As part of the evidence to Parliament on the Government’s handling of the pandemic, Cummings coup de grace was to provide a picture of the whiteboard used by the cabinet to formulate the master plan to fight the virus. A picture whose complete assessment of the situation is reported to have rendered political analyst, Laura Kuennesberg, speechless. And quite jealous of Carrie Symonds.

In an contradictory statement made in the House of Commons, Prime Minister Boris Johnson assured the British public, with the same level of sincerity he promised to protect care homes, that his ex was 'just well mental' and that they should not believe any of the bat shit made up stories in the way that they believed his bat shit made up Brexit promises. 

"Demonic Cummings claims that he maintaned a 24/7 vigil by my bedside when I had Covid but the truth is that was my new BBF Matt Hancock, who has been 'my rock. throughout this whole thing. Demonic never ever came to visit me in hospital Not even when I actually died and then was resurrected to be the new Messiah the country needed."

At the time of going to press, the country is currently bracing itself for what is expected to be a potentially devastating second wave of tweets from the former government advisor. 

Government's 2020-21 Covid Pandemic Plan

  


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