21st May Simon soaks up the sun

Five days after the borders were open, Grace Under Pressure can reveal that the first group of planes to land in Portugal have not contained a single holiday maker after every seat had been booked by reporters, journalists, social media influencers and broadcasters eager to report just what it would be like if any Brits had actually been able to get here.

BBC travel correspondent Simon Calder, who has somehow managed to block book a flight to any and every European destination as soon as those countries appear on the governments green list, was up at sparrows fart to report from a deserted Algarve beach. Deserted that is apart from over 30 mobile TV units and their satallite dishes, which far outnumbered the number of beach umbrellas being used by tourist.

Wearing the ubiquitous uniform of Brits abroad, socks and sandal sporting Simon strolled along the Faro prom desperate to interview sun seekers from Stoke, Stevenage or Slough but ended up having to interview Ade Adepitan, who had managed to get his wheelchair stuck in amongst an array of unused predillos.

The Portugal Tourist board is hopeful that the first actual tourists will arrive when the TV crews get fed up of riding the trams in Porto, sledging down the steep hills of Maderia and lounging in Lagos. Or whenever somewhere nicer like Greece opens up.

At the time of going to press Grace Under Pressure is able to confirm that ITV's 'This Morning' host Alison Hammond is still on her way to St Georgia after her new collagues voted her most worthy to go far far away for a little while.




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