1st June The end for Land's End?

Is this the end for Land's End? The easing of some lockdown restrictions combined with the once in a lifetime prospect of good weather during the school half term holidays, has meant an esimated three quarters of the population of England has headed for Cornwall. 

The intrepid travellers have been lured by the prospect of 17-hour car journey with an average speed of 8 miles per hour on the A-roads, just to spend 45 minutes queuing for ice cream, before trying to find a couple of square inches of litter free sand on the beach.

With holidays abroad the travel equivalent of playing Russian rouletter with a boarding pass, Cornwall has recorded a gazillion fold increase in its already ridiculously high level of tourists, most of whom will be expecting to just turn up unnannounced and get a table a one of Rick Stein's estimated 48 restaurants and cafes in the county.

One unforseen consequence of this influx of 'lockdown lard arses' is that an increase in mass per unit area is threatening to tip Cornwall into the sea with actual Lands End now expected to actally be somewhere slightly east of St Ives 

The government has sent out an emergency plea to eastern European fruit pickers and seasonal workers to get to Norfolk, Suffolk and Lincolshire asap in order to attempt a balancing up the rapidly tilting landmass. Home Secretary Priti Patel has asked coast guards to divert any illegal migrant ships from the channel and round to the south east coast so they can be disembarked and put straight to work.

Grace Under Pressure was hoping to have an interview with its own intrepid reporter, Poll Dark, but rumours reaching the newsdesk suggest she has been thrown into prison for daring to prepare her scone cream first!!!