22nd April Dyson and Johnson invent the 'moral vacuum'

Have you ever sat back and wondered just what or who was behind the leaking of personal and private text messages between Prime Minister Boris Johnson and inventor extraordinaire Sir James Dyson? No, neither have I because just like you dear reader, Grace Under Pressure's very own dirt bag is trying to reanimate his life by breathing fresh air back into a deflated existence.

But according to rumours circulating at the time of going to press, it cannot be mere coincidence that these text messages have become public less than 24 hours after previously unseen photographs of the 2.6million pound Downing Street briefing room, or 'Boris' Blunder' as its known amongst the press, were revealed. Pictures in which cleaning staff were clearly seen to be using a Henry Hoover. It was according to the man going to be the answer to the UK's ventilator problems at the start of the Covid pandemic a photo that left him gasping for air.

It appears that Sir James Dyson, inventor of such devices as the Airblade, the Supersonic hairdryer and not forgetting the 'Ballbarrow' (for those with a serious medical predicament?)  had taken the presence of a Henry Hoover in a government building as a personal affront to the close links between the Conservative party and his very patriotic British vacuum firm, which had only recently relocated its headquarters to Singapore.

Given that the texts reveal discussion over possible tax breaks and benefits for his company if they threw their hand in with the government and made a million ventilators, (only three of which were ever needed), it could be expected that Dyson and Johnson will soon be appearing on Dragon's Den having invented the moral vacuum. And who wouldn't tune in to hear Deborah Meaden pull out of any possible deal with the immortal phrase..."won't you two just suck the f&%$ up!"