19th April Bernard Butler: Brit Abroad

With the staggering success of the Covid 19 vaccine roll out program and a proposed traffic light system giving the go ahead for a little foreign jolly later in the summer, Bernard Butler has been quick to hit the brochures, with his main criteria for chosing a summer sorte being the number of British bars serving a full English breakfast in his resort of choice. 

Speaking to Grace Under Pressure's very own bronzed beach babe, Bernard explained, "It's often quite difficult to chose between the delights of Magaluf, Corfu, Aya Napa, Fuengarola or the Algarve so its good to focus on the essentials of a holiday abroad. Slap up fried breakfasts, proper tea bags in the local shop, Sky Sports on in the local taverna, the Sun, that's the paper not how hot it is and fellow hotel guests who wouldn't look out of place in an episode of the TV show Benidorm."

"Don't get me wrong I do like a bit of culture as long as it comes in a bottle and doesn't cost more than £2. And of course mixing with the locals is always great even if I do have to speak really slowly and with increasing volume to make myself understood. And sometimes I think they crack on to be thick as planks just so I can teach them a bit more English and end up showing 'em 'how we do it at home' which always seems to go down well. I mean it's lovely being able to go anywhere in the world and not need to worry about speaking any of the local lingo apart from perhaps asking for the bill if I wanna show off a bit."

Bernard's wife Bernardette wasn't quite so amused with his behaviour. "He doesn't seem to realise," she said with an exasperated voice, "that he's not living in an episode of Bridgerton where an Englishman's word. And perhaps the immigration official wasn't acting like a 'little Hitler' when he asked to see proof that we have been vacinated. Who knows maybe this year I won't have to go to the Britich consulate to bail him out after another to-do with some of the locals or visit the local hospital after he's been turned lobster red having fallen asleep by the pool wearing his string vest. Maybe but I very much doubt it."